Join the army.Travel to exotic distant lands. meet exciting unsusual persons………..and KILL them
Diplomacy is the art of saying “nice doggie” . . . ’till you can find a rock!
Mothers are biological necessity, fathers are social inventions.
There are women i could spend eternity with, but not this life.
The truth lies in a woman’s eyes, and lies and lies and lies.
Life in VACUUM…………SUCKSSSSSS
I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart..
His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours.
I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want an adorable pancreas?
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste
“Lead, follow or get out of the way…”
It is not what a teenager knows that bothers his parents. it is how he found out!
Time is natures way of making sure that all the shit doesn’t happen at once.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Dont steal, government hates competition ..
If you’re too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience.
Finally 21 and Legally Able to Do Everything I’ve Been Doing since 15..
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them..
Children in the dark cause accidents. Accidents in the dark cause children..
You’ll never get rid of a bad temper by losing it!
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense..
Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!
I aint guilty, im just not innocent!
Make love not war. Condoms are cheaper than guns
Most good judgement comes from experience. Most experience comes from bad judgement.
Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair..
We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads.
I gave up smoking, drinking, and sex…worst 15 minutes of my life..
A man may be a fool & not know it- but not if he is married !!
I don’t like to repeat things, so listen carefully the first six times..
Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who’s got the smallest..
Earth first. We’ll screw up the other planets later..
I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls..
The word ‘Politics’ is derived from the word ‘Poly’, meaning ‘Many’ and the word ‘ticks’ meaning blood sucking parasites.
“Keep talking…..someday u will say something intelligent.”
“I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.”
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t..
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
If at first u dont suceed then ,skydiving definitely isn’t for u..!!
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done!
What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me!!
The rich get richer and the poor get children..
It takes one woman twenty years to make a man out of her son and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool out of him..
If u keep ur feet firmly on the ground , you’ll have trouble putting on your pants…
Gravity is bullshit basically earth sucks(anonymous)..
Opinions are like armpits ; everyone has two of them , and most of the time they stink !!!
It’s very easy to love mankind ; But it’s difficult to love a man..
Hate is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.
The worst part of life is waiting. The best part of life is having someone worth waiting for
Having the critics praise you is like having the hangman say you’ve got a pretty neck.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.. :)
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